It’s October, and everywhere you look there is candy. On the counter at the office, in little bowls at friends' houses, it’s even sometimes laying innocently, pristine in its package on the ground (I know you think about picking it up!) If you struggle with binge eating, Halloween is a particularly challenging holiday. Why? Because of the constant presence of and expectations around candy. If you asked a child “what is the best part about Halloween?”, most would say “the candy”. Sure, the mystery of wearing a costume is fun and going door to door asking for treats is exciting, but would it hold the same place in children’s hearts if all they received were apples or raisins? The same holds true for most of us: candy is an exciting and motivating food.
However, if you have an eating disorder, the increased presence of candy can predict a demoralizing time of attempting to “fight” the urge to overeat and be “good”-until you, exhausted from resisting all of those cues to eat, finally give in and have some candy, which usually ends up being far, far more than you expected. Now, this urge to binge eat candy is not something unique to Halloween. I want to make sure to acknowledge that most folks with eating disorders navigate this challenge daily. However, the fact that others may also be overeating and that there simply is so much more candy around during the Halloween season is what makes it particularly challenging.
Understanding the urge to binge eat Halloween candy
A very helpful way to understand why we keep turning to binge eating, even when we have promised ourselves we will stop, is to look at the Internal Family Systems model of therapy,created by Dick Schwartz. From an Internal Family Systems point of view, we all have a constellation of parts within us: that exist to “help” us navigate life. Some parts are proactive (these are called managers and they do lots of guiding-usually with strong opinions) and some are reactive ( these are called firefighters and they do a lot of addressing urgent situations). Parts that binge eat are generally reactive, in that they react to life circumstances ( pain of any sort) with one solution: overeat. For those of us who have binging parts, we have other parts that feel very concerned about this upcoming holiday, because of all of the temptation! And our first inclination is to try to “do something” about the binging part: control it, manage it , or shame it- all of which usually backfire and make things worse.
Frequently, these binging parts have a complicated role inside of us: sometimes they exist to numb and take us out of our feelings, but they may also play a role in trying to balance the energy of an inner critic or another part that is pushing us too hard. As we can see, binging usually has much more to do with urgently addressing our inner emotional landscape than with what exactly we are putting in our mouths. One maxim I frequently repeat with my clients is that it is never “just” about the food itself.
So, what can we do when we can’t stop eating Halloween candy?
Engage with the part that wants to binge in a gentle and curious way. This means instead of letting your managers (who may be very upset about what is happening) grill the part or try to force it into submission, you come forward with a spirit of open hearted interest.
It might be helpful to write a back and forth conversation, starting with
why do you want me to eat all this Halloween candy? You may be deeply surprised by what it has to say!
Honor the binging part’s perspective. In general, binging parts usually believe they have a crucial job to play. When you acknowledge that job, parts are usually a lot more open to discussion.
Ask the part more: continuing with the writing exercise or just in your head, ask if there are other ways to do the job that it might feel comfortable with. ( For example, if it keeps having you return to binge eating Halloween candy to stop you from feeling sad about being alone on Halloween, would it be open to having you make some phone calls that night?). Remember, this needs to be more in the style of wondering gently than a harsh negotiation. If there are things your binging part would feel comfortable with trying, make a plan, and show it that you can follow through!
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