I just finished riding my bike in the pouring rain because my son really wanted company on his ride. It was not something I would ever have chosen to do, I’m a person who turns toward comfort and hibernation when it gets chilly and wet outside. And yet, I found myself grinning and laughing as the water hit my face. And it hit me: my son has instinctively known about self regulation and vagal tone all his life. I think most children have a much more attuned sense of what their bodies need to maintain balance. Feeling overwhelmed? Release that tension with a shout, a stomp or maybe even a good cry!
As adults, we all lose our connection to body based solutions for addressing stress, usually in the name of becoming “grown-up”. But, as we exist in a world that often presents multiple and, for some, continual stressors daily, losing connection to that which we instinctively knew comes at quite a cost. We adults usually seek relief from stress by distracting or subverting our bodies reactions. We feel burnout and exhausted from life’s demands and head out to Starbucks for a break, or we reach for the phone for a quick escape by diving into other people’s worlds on social media. Do either of these choices really meet the needs our stress reaction is revealing? Most likely not.
What we really need when stressors are pushing us past our comfortable limits is usually something like this- rest, connection, movement, enjoyment or laughter. Which are all aspects of our Ventral vagal nervous system (for more on this see my essay “ What's the big deal about the nervous system?” ). Simple things theoretically, though not always in practice. If we don't listen to these needs for long enough, then we find ourselves in a deficit situation. The deficit can look like anxiety or depression symptoms, and at that point these needs cannot be easily met without intention. This is when we have to start taking action that shows our bodies and ourselves that we are taking our well being seriously.
Bringing intentionally regulating activities that work best for you, be it singing, yoga or riding bikes in the rain into regular daily life is the first step for many of my clients in a return to healing. Accepting that we have to prioritize taking care of our nervous system is sometimes a tough sell, especially when we have so many easy fixes at hand. But ultimately, I think you’ll find that it’s worth it, and a lot more fun, too.
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